Casino Blog

1. When your English professor says the author made his point; you ask if he pressed or not.

2. You show up early at the bakery to take advantage of the hot rolls.

3. You go into a 7-11 and ask to play the “don’t.”

4. You go to a hockey game and wonder what happened to the dealers and boxman.

5. When your kid says math “came easy” today, you ask if it was a 4,6,8 or 10.

6. When an ambulance passes with flashing lights, you assume someone hit a “hand pay.”

7. You go into a shoe store and ask if they have 4, 6, or 8 deck.

8. You hear the bible story where Lazarus is told to “Come out”, and you ask for a 2-way C & E.

9. You wonder if a salad shooter is really a gambling device.

10. When the bartender asks if you want a “double”, you say not against an ace.

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oh, casino employees work at night and they got their own jackpot to win…:::

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A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip ticket.

If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting.

He got in and explained his situation to the cabby. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his driver’s license number, his address, etc., but to no avail. The cabby said, “If you don’t have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!”

So the businessman was forced to hitchhike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas, and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport.

Well, who should he see out there, at the very end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.

The businessman got in the first cab in the line, “How much for a ride to the airport,” he asked? “Fifteen bucks,” came the reply. “And how much for you to give me sexual favors on the way?” “What?! Get the hell out of my cab!”

The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result. When he got to his old friend at the back of the long line, he got in and asked, “How much for a ride to the airport?” The cabby replied, “Fifteen bucks.” The businessman said, “Okay” and off they went. As they slowly drove past the long line of cabs, the business man gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.

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1. Never wink at the dealer especially if he’s the same sex.

2. Don’t bring your silver dollar yo-yo near the slot machines.

3. Don’t drink and gamble at the same time. Put the drink down first.

4. Know when it’s time to go home - when you’ve won too much.

5. Don’t call for a ball measurement after losing a roulette spin.

6. Don’t stack your slots coin tubs on top of the machine just to show off. (more…)

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Look, the only thing we have been talking here was online gambling staff. Let us take a little brake for a while.

If you think of owning your own casino, you can BUY A CASINO SHIP!!! Why not?

Don’t know where to get it? No problems, I got one for sale… well. almost for sale:

John Connelly’s President Casinos Inc. is in discussions to sell its St. Louis gambling vessel, the Admiral, according to an individual close to the deal.

Best known here as the patriarch of the Gateway Clipper Fleet, Mr. Connelly owns about a third of the publicly traded, St. Louis-based President Casinos.

The Casino Queen has operated on the East St. Louis (Illinois) riverfront since 1993, across the Mississippi River from St. Louis.

Mr. Connelly said he would sell the Admiral for $175 million and “not a penny less. The boat is well worth that.”-wohhhhh no. online casino results much cheaper!!!! But of course it is not so luxurous.

Few casino boats pictures:

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A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan Bank, and says she wants to open a savings account. The accounts person asks her how much she would like to deposit to open the account and the little old lady says, “Three million dollars.”
The accounts person is startled, and says, “In what form?” and the little old lady says, “Cash. I’ve got it here in this bag…” and the accounts person looks and, sure enough, the lady has a big grocery bag just chock full of green stuff with big denominations.

This is a highly unusual event, and the accounts person excuses herself to get the president of the bank to handle this one. He arrives, and escorts the little old lady to his office to handle it personally.

Once in his office, he asks the little old lady where she got so much money.

She says, “Gambling.” (more…)

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A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, “Martha, pack up your things. I just won the California lottery!”

Martha replies, “Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?”

The man responds, “I don’t care. Just so long as you’re out of the house by noon!”

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A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he’s in serious financial trouble. He’s so desperate he decides to ask God for help. He begins to pray… “God, please help me. I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery.”
Lottery night comes and somebody else wins it.

Joe again prays…

“God, please let me win the lottery! I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well.”

Lotto night comes and Joe still has no luck.

Once again, he prays…

“My God, why have you forsaken me?? I’ve lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don’t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lottery this one time so I can get my life back in order.”

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Joe is confronted by the voice of God Himself:

“Joe, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket.”

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More than $17,000 was found under old slot machines at the former Sands Casino Hotel in Atlantic City (Oh my God, I was there so many times- I lost my chance to find this money!!!!!!!! so embarrassed, you know:(((), when workers collected the change that found its way there over the years.

The Casino Hotel in Atlantic City was closed in November 2006, after 30 years. Later this year it will be demolished and a new casino will be built in its place. Workers began cleaning out the casino, taking apart 2,350 slot machines to use at other casinos owned by the Sands’ parent company.

The workers expected to find some cash on the floor, between the slot machines but they didn’t expect to find so much money. They found $17,193.34, mostly in coins and casino tokens and even a $100 bill.

The money belongs to Pinnacle Entertainment Inc., the Las Vegas company that acquired the Sands in 2006. New Jersey state receives 8 percent of the money in taxes-cool isnt it? — the same as it would, had the money been won from gamblers.

Most of the money was found under the machines themselves and a small part of it was found in small spaces between the machines. Casino workers made guesses about how much money would be found but the amounts they thought of were much smaller than what was actually found, as most guessed that less than $8,000 would be found.

Now tell me: how could it come those employees were so stupid to give the found amount to Pinnacle Entertainment Inc. and NJ state? Tell me : what would you do? DONT READ MY MIND!!!!!!!!! :))

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Two bored casino dealers are waiting at a craps table. A very attractive lady comes in and wants to bet twenty- thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She says, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m bottomless.”

With that she strips naked from the waist down, and rolls the dice while yelling, “Momma needs a new pair of pants!”

She then begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers. “YES! I WIN! I WIN!”

With that she picks up her money and clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, “What did she roll anyway?”

The other answers, “I thought YOU were watching!”

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