Casino Blog

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at a craps table. A very attractive lady comes in and wants to bet twenty- thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She says, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m bottomless.”

With that she strips naked from the waist down, and rolls the dice while yelling, “Momma needs a new pair of pants!”

She then begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers. “YES! I WIN! I WIN!”

With that she picks up her money and clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, “What did she roll anyway?”

The other answers, “I thought YOU were watching!”

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Gary walks into a bar and sees three men and a dog playing poker. The dog is looking rather glum.

‘That’s a smart dog,’ says the man.

‘Not really,’ replies one of the players, ‘he hasn’t won a single hand.’

‘Why’s that?’ asks Gary.

‘He’s a bit dumb,’ said the player, ‘Every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail.’

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A rather old fashioned lady, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language, was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband, so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation.

She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped, but didn’t know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn’t bring herself to write the word “toilet” in her letter.

After much thought, she finally came up with the old fashioned term “Bathroom closet” but when she wrote it down, she still thought she was being too forward, so she started all over again, rewrote the letter, and referred to the bathroom closet as the B.C.

“Does the camping ground have it’s own B.C.” is what she wrote.

Well, the camping ground owner wasn’t a bit old fashioned, and he just couldn’t figure out what the old lady was talking about, so he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B.C. stood for Baptist Church, so he wrote the following reply.

Dear Madam,

I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B.C. is located nine miles north of our camping ground, and is capable of seating 250 people at one time.

I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late.

The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort.

I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it is surely no lack of desire on my part, just that I am so busy most of the time.

As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort to go, especially in the cold weather. If you decide to come down to our camping ground perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you and introduce you to all the other folks.

Remember this is a very friendly community

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A man was walking along a lonely beach. Suddenly he heard a deep voice commands, ‘Dig.’

He looks around: but there’s nobody’s about. I am having hallucinations, he thinks. Then he hears the voice again: ‘I said, dig.’

So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands, and after some inches, he finds a small chest with a rusty lock.

The deep voice says: ‘Open.’

The man finds a rock and smashes the lock,. When the chest is finally open, he sees a huge hoard of gold coins.

The deep voice says: ‘To the casino’

The man jumps in his car and drives the few miles to the nearest casino.

The deep voice says: ‘Roulette.’

So he changes all the gold into a huge pile of roulette tokens and goes to one of the tables, where the players gaze at him with disbelief.

The deep voice says: ‘27’

The man places the whole lot on number 27. The roulette table nearly erupts with excitement. Everybody is quiet when the croupier throws the ball.

The ball spins round and around and around then eventually stops on number 26.

‘SHIT!’ snapped the deep voice.

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Blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were arguing about whether or not it was appropriate to tip the dealer.

The player said, ‘When I get bad cards, it’s not the dealers fault. Similarly, when I get good cards, the dealer obviously had nothing to do with it so why should I tip him?’

The dealer interrupted, ‘When you eat out do you tip the waiter?’

‘Yes,’ replied the player.

‘Well then, he serves you food, I’m serving you cards so you should tip me.’

‘OK,’ smiled the player. ‘But, the waiter always gives me exactly what I ask for . . . so I’ll take an eight please.’

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